Edit: When I say “my crap prayer”, I don’t mean that I think this prayer is stupid, I just use the word “crap” a few times and it was how I felt at the time. There you go.
You may have read my bible fast post last month. If not, please do before you read this prayer – maybe you’ll understand where I’m coming from. This morning, for the first time since that post, I spent some time just talking to God. This is what came out.
God, I’m not really sure what you think of the crap going on inside me, but thank you that it doesn’t offend you to the point that you give up on me. In fact you actually seem to be using it. I don’t know how that works but thank you that you’re doing it. Whatever it is you’re doing, I don’t want to stand in your way so please take me along for it.
Thank you for your patience, especially with the crap I’ve been struggling with. I thought I understood it all, could name it and address it, but I realise now that there’s more to all of my issues than I could understand. Thank you that you know what’s going on and that you don’t drop me. Please help me with whatever’s going on and the stuff that gets me down.
I keep putting you, your church and christianity in a box and I’m sorry. I don’t want to be cynical. I want to love your church for what it is, despite, or maybe even because of all its crap.
I don’t know how, but I want to tell and give you everything that’s going on inside me. I don’t have the words to say it all, just know that it’s all yours.
Thank you that I can talk to you like this.