Yes, I’ve been very quiet…again. Let’s just put it down to a serious case of writers block. I have plenty going on inside me, so it’s not that I have had nothing to write about. I just don’t want to write something just for the sake of getting something out there. So I apologise for making you wait (all 3 of you). Speaking of which…
During the last few months and weeks I’ve really been confronted with one of the things I probably hate more than anything else that I struggle with: having to wait. Oh my soul do I hate waiting. The idea of expecting something to happen without me doing anything just frustrates the living daylights out of me. There are thousands of arguments that make sense of that and motivate me to get up and try to force the issue. And yet, I’m learning more and more that following Jesus very often includes waiting. Sigh.
All of this ties back to my previous post. I think the whole frustration is largely founded in a vision I had for what my life would be. I’m not talking about a very specific ambition like being a rock star, or achieving certain professional goals. It’s more about living life to the fullest. Like most young people, I always saw myself as different, special and hoped to have massive influence and impact. The key word there is special. I think as you get older and are confronted with the day to day stuff that everyone around you has to deal with, you start disappearing in the crowd a little bit. Or that’s what it feels like. And so to make my life extraordinary I have to strive to make it better. Part of the problem is the need for recognition from others – but that’s a a topic for another post. I think the bigger issue or me is trusting God to do what he said he’d do. And again, patience calls my name and I roll my eyes.
I heard a quote (again) recently that made me sit up straight, simply because, instead of frustrating me, it gave me hope. I don’t know who it’s from (I heard it in a podcast by Louie Giglio) but here it is:
Waiting is not wasting, when we’re waiting on the Lord. For when when we wait, God works.
That first sentence really hit my struggle on the head. Waiting isn’t wasting time, when I’m trusting God to do something. That is powerful. I don’t have to achieve enough “for God”, in order for my life to be significant. I can know that he does what he does best, even in the seemingly mundane. I guess every young adult needs to learn to deal with the mundane and where worship fits into it. The example Louie (Giglio) uses to illustrate this is Joseph. Do yourself a favour and read it slowly and thoroughly. Here’s a guy who had about 17 years – his best years – of his life wrecked and wasted by other people. And yet in the end, he is able to say:
You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done,…
And that’s it. I want to learn to wait, trust and be willing to be surprised.