…and know that I am God. That’s not the reason for my weeks of silence, just the lesson of my life for the last few months. It’s so easy to get side-tracked by the so-called responsibilities of the Christian life, that Jesus becomes very very small.
Let’s just say I’d been restless for a while. Not in the tossing and turning in bed kind of way, but that nagging feeling that just doesn’t go away. Mornings are particularly tough. I don’t know why but all the worries from the previous day seem to congregate in the same head space and make themselves comfortable. Sometimes my quiet time helps, sometimes the worries simply dominate my thinking. I’ve really had to learn to put aside the complicated details and refocus. But that can be hard to do when you’ve got a lot to deal with.
So what to do when a routine of bible reading and prayer doesn’t distract from the worries of life? Well, I put away my bible and really actually prayed. Not from a prayer list (though there’s nothing wrong with that), I just tell God everything that’s inside of me. It’s not dramatic, romantic or even very spiritual. I just speak to Jesus like he is a friend who’d asks “So how are you Markus?”. Sometimes I hear him talking back. Not audibly but somewhere inside I know what he’s saying. It’s not so much about what he’s saying to me, just that really intimate place where you can just be and know that God loves you so deeply. There’s no better place to be.
I was on the road on my own last weekend and this friendship, where I can just be chatty with God about anything, just became so clear to me. Driving down the highway, with gorgeous scenery all around me, songs of worship coming through speakers, on my own and free to sing or be quiet… I really didn’t feel like I was alone in that car.
My prayer time has become much more meaningful. It’s not soppy or overly sad. No matter how I feel or what I say, I can just be and know that God accepts me without reservation.
It’s still unbelievable to me that we are allowed to connect with our creator in that way. Maybe that’s why so many people still don’t believe it.